MENU - ANYWHERE LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY
To hear the recording click here
Hello you have reached
the Anywhere Law Enforcement Agency's Voice Mail. Please pay close attention
as we have to update the choices often as new and unusual circumstances
arise. Please check one of the following options:
Press 1 to whine about
us not doing anything to solve a problem you created for yourself.
Press 2 to postulate
whether someone has to die before we will do something about a problem.
Press 3 to report an
officer for bad manners when in reality the officer is just trying to keep
your neighborhood safe.
Press 4 If you would
like us to raise you children.
Press 5 If you would
like us to take control of your life due to your alcohol or chemical
Press 6 If you would
like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to
Press 7 To provide a
list of officers you personally know so we will not take law enforcement
action against you.
Press 8 To sue us, tell
us you pay our salary and will have our badge, or proclaim our career is
Press 9 To whine about
a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police instead of our
keeping your dumb self from killing someone.
Please note that your
call my be monitored to assure proper customer support, and remember, we're
here to say your fanny, not kiss it! Thanks for calling and have a nice day.