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VOICE MAIL MENU - ANYWHERE LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY


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Hello you have reached the Anywhere Law Enforcement Agency's Voice Mail. Please pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and unusual circumstances arise. Please check one of the following options:

Press 1 to whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem you created for yourself.

Press 2 to postulate whether someone has to die before we will do something about a problem.

Press 3 to report an officer for bad manners when in reality the officer is just trying to keep your neighborhood safe.

Press 4 If you would like us to raise you children.

Press 5 If you would like us to take control of your life due to your alcohol or chemical dependency.

Press 6 If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate.

Press 7 To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take law enforcement action against you.

Press 8 To sue us, tell us you pay our salary and will have our badge, or proclaim our career is over.

Press 9 To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police instead of our keeping your dumb self from killing someone.

Please note that your call my be monitored to assure proper customer support, and remember, we're here to say your fanny, not kiss it! Thanks for calling and have a nice day.